For many people in the UK and around the world, Valentine’s day is a day focused on connecting with a loved one and expressing how they feel to those close to them. On the 14th of February, restaurants and cinemas around the country will be full of couples doing so, and the recent rise of ‘galentine’s day’ on the 13th, celebrating friendship, extends this period of time focused on connecting us to people in our life. But what does this mean for the 7.1% of people described as feeling chronically lonely (1)?

Loneliness is a universal human experience, yet it remains one of the least discussed and most misunderstood emotions. It can be defined as a subjective feeling of deficiencies in one’s network of social relationships. What makes loneliness particularly complex is that it is not necessarily about the number of social connections a person has, but rather their perception of these relationships—whether they feel fulfilling and meaningful. Simply put, loneliness does not equate to being alone; rather, it is the feeling of being alone even in the presence of others.

When we think of loneliness, we may imagine someone who is socially isolated, perhaps elderly and living alone. However, loneliness can affect anyone, regardless of their age, social status, or background. In fact, studies suggest that young adults and adolescents, as well as older adults, report the highest levels of loneliness.

The consequences of loneliness

Loneliness is more than just an unpleasant feeling—it can have serious effects on both mental and physical health. Research has shown that chronic loneliness is associated with increased cholesterol levels, high blood pressure, and sleep disturbances. Furthermore, it is a significant risk factor for anxiety and depression.

The dangers of loneliness have been recognised on a national and global scale. In 2018, the UK appointed a Minister for Loneliness, highlighting the growing awareness of this issue as a public health concern. The COVID-19 pandemic further intensified the problem, as lockdown measures enforced social distancing guidelines that, while necessary for reducing virus spread, also exacerbated feelings of social isolation. Studies found that loneliness increased across gender and age groups during the pandemic, though the risk factors remained the same.

Who is at risk of loneliness?

Certain life circumstances and personal characteristics make some individuals more susceptible to loneliness. Some of the strongest predictors of loneliness include:

- Being single, losing a partner, or going through a divorce

- Being in negative or unsatisfying relationships

- Having low levels of social activity

- Experiencing financial difficulties or lower income

- Facing physical health challenges

- Living arrangements and characteristics of one's social network

Additionally, employment and workplace relationships play a crucial role in social connectedness. For many, colleagues serve as a primary source of daily interaction, meaning that retirement or job loss can be particularly challenging times that heighten feelings of loneliness.

Overcoming loneliness and building social connections

Despite how loneliness can feel, difficulties relating to loneliness are not something to be ashamed of. From an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense that humans are wired for social connection—being part of a group helped early humans survive.

However, if loneliness persists for a long time, it can make social situations feel overwhelming or anxiety-inducing, leading individuals to withdraw even further.

This is why understanding the benefits of social connectedness is crucial. Building and maintaining relationships can increase overall well-being, lower rates of depression, and even extend life expectancy. The key is to challenge negative beliefs about socialising by exposing oneself to new, positive social experiences.

Practical steps to reduce loneliness and build social connections

If you are experiencing loneliness, there are proactive steps you can take to reconnect with others and improve your well-being:

Prioritise quality over quantity

It is not the number of social connections that matters most, but the quality of those relationships. Focus on building meaningful and fulfilling connections rather than simply increasing the number of social interactions.

Consider technology for connection

For those who face barriers to leaving home, technology can be a powerful tool for maintaining relationships. Video calls with friends and relatives, online communities, and interest-based social media groups can provide meaningful interactions and support networks.

Use social media wisely

While social media can sometimes contribute to feelings of loneliness, when used mindfully, it can also be a valuable way to stay connected. Engaging in meaningful conversations, joining online groups with shared interests, and using platforms to strengthen real-life relationships can be beneficial.

Seek professional support

Therapy can provide guidance for those struggling with chronic loneliness. A therapist can help identify underlying thought patterns that contribute to social withdrawal and work with individuals to develop strategies for building connections.

Take small steps toward socialising

If social situations feel daunting, start small. Consider options such as volunteering for a cause you care about, joining a local club or hobby group, attending community events or meetups or reaching out to an old friend for a catch-up conversation

Engage in meditation and mindfulness

Practicing meditation can help you manage feelings of loneliness and reduce anxiety about social interactions. Mindfulness encourages self-compassion and helps individuals become more present in their daily experiences, making it easier to appreciate existing social connections.

Loneliness is a widespread issue, but it does not have to be permanent. By understanding the causes and risk factors, as well as taking proactive steps to foster social connections, individuals can improve their well-being and lead more fulfilling lives. If you or someone you know is struggling with loneliness, remember that reaching out is a strength—not a weakness. Connection is fundamental to human existence, and with effort and persistence, it is possible to overcome loneliness and build a supportive and enriching social life.

If you have noticed any difficulties relating to feelings of looniness or anxiety in social situations, please reach out to the MAPP team to discuss how talking therapy could help.

-Dr. Stephanie Holmes

Learn more

Loneliness and how to [re]connect